Calming your hyper vigilant nervous system

Hello beautiful human

An uncomfortable truth for me and many of the women I work with...

...is that our nervous systems can be on super high alert and easily triggered around masculine energy.

This is not about men vs women, but the truth is, the way our society has evolved and the experiences of women through the course of our lives, often at the hands of men, leaves us in adulthood with our nervous systems on high alert.

Among women, there are significant differences in these experiences tied to the gender balance in their workplace. Some 37% of women who say their workplace is mostly male report they have been treated as if they were not competent because of their gender. Only one-in-five women who work mostly with other women say they’ve experienced the same thing, as do 18% of women who have an even mix of men and women where they work. - Pew Research Center

And guess what…? Even if the workplace is more balanced in gender, the modern workplace is literally brimming with masculine energy from all of us.

When you are someone with a hyper vigilant nervous system that can cause you to get triggered and react, that vigilance is not always discerning. It might be that in those specific circumstances we are not at personal risk, but our nervous system doesn’t know that.

Instead we find ourselves in fight, flight or freeze.

Folks who are super high in masculine energy often don’t realise the net impact of that energy on those who are higher in feminine energy. Because they wouldn’t feel the same way.

Overcoming both the need for that hyper vigilance, and removing its existence is what I believe our work is, and I mean our collective work. This is necessary work we need to do within companies so that we create a space where all humans feel safe.

For those of us who are triggered in masculine energy, our work is on our nervous system. I’m going to give you three amazing real time ways you can do it for now.

1. Finding your breath

If you become aware that the stress response is taking ahold, you might be able to create the space to breathe. See if you can become aware of your breath and make a choice to make it gentle. My favourite place to find it is at the tip of my nose.

If you aren’t doing it in real time, you can also take deep, slow breaths and those too activate your parasympathetic nervous system, which promotes relaxation. Try the 4-7-8 technique: inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, and exhale for 8 seconds.

2. Remind yourself who you are

I used to roll my eyes about affirmations until the pandemic hit, and I found myself alone in my flat and needing to find new methods to self soothe. There was actually a Reel audio that often pops into my mind these days when I am taking a breath: ‘I am beautiful, I am loved, I am safe, I am free, I don’t need to be like them, I need to be like me.’

3. Know your safe people

If you are in a meeting, always try to have people that feel safe to you. That means taking some time to get to know the folks you have meetings with. Outside of the meeting context, reach out to the people who are best placed to remind you who you are. Talking about your experience with someone you trust can be very therapeutic.

I have so many more, but those are just a starter. I'll add the disclaimer that that everyone's experience and reaction to trauma is unique, and what works best for one person may not be as effective for another. It's essential to find the techniques and approaches that resonate the best with you.

At its core, Bloom is on a mission to see more women step up and claim leadership roles within organisations.

That’s the mission, but the vision is much grander.

The vision is to truly unleash feminine energy in the workplace, to create a world where our masculine and feminine energy gets to dance, within neither being better or worse than the other one.

I truly believe that the work for ALL of us, is to figure out how to balance masculine and feminine energy, even in our own bodies. The masculine is the driving, the decisiveness, the delivery. The feminine is creativity, love and the birth of new ideas.

And I think you'll agree that this world needs creativity, love and the birth of new ideas.

 
Big love